My fight with the Whale-cow


My three new pairs of Kayano 14’s arrived Monday.  I laced them up with the white and blue pair of Xtenex laces, and the 3rd pair got regular elastic laces.  We’ll get a good side by side comparison now.  The black pair (the longest) can now be laced up to my hiking boots.  Will give them a try there.  Won’t tip my hand for a review just yet.

Anyway, it’s GRRRRREAT to have new shoes with new cushion.  JAY-ZUS!!!  My knees are rejoicing.  The past week and a half, or thereabouts, my knees would get a dull pain in them while running.  I knew it was the shoes.  Just glad to have gotten them … and I’m glad to have gotten them on sale!!! Went to a local shop last week — or was it the week before? — and they didn’t have  any in my size.  Google searches were initially fruitless, but then I came to discover that a D width is the standard mens width.  I’ve never paid attention to WIDE or EXTRA WIDE shoes, because I don’t need them.  I knew that E was a WIDE.  I thought that D was another iteration of wide.  Anyway, I figured it out that it wasn’t, and I bought 4 pairs @ $79 ea.  SCORE!  Except that I ordered more than the online retailer had in stock for 11.5’s.  So, I had to settle for three.

Got my 10.6 in on the treadmill today in the new Kayanos.  Went with the first pair that are laced up with the shortest laces.  I was wondering if there’d be any slipping since the very last knot is just outside of the upper on the last hole.  So far so good.  Done on the treadmill and off to the pool.

Now, my gym is Ballys Total Fitness.  The only reason I’m still going to this gym is because I’m a lifetime member thanks to mom forcing dad to cough up the cash for a family membership back when I was just starting my second year of college.  Now, that means my yearly membership is less than $200.  That’s a deal that other gyms just can’t match. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t go there.  It’s absolutely rubbish.  Dirty.  Poorly managed.  They’ve cut back their hours, especially on the weekend, which sucks hardcore.  Sundays are the worst…why even bother opening up at all you rat-bastards?  The staff, with a few exceptions, is a joke, and they’re led by the lead clown, Carmen.  What a twat.

The pool is something special.  It’s 5 lanes @ 25yds.  One lane has steps that go down into the lane, and this shortens its effective usable length.  It’s supposed to be for the “walkers.”  So that leaves 4 lanes for lap swimming.  Generally, I don’t ever have a problem getting in a lane.  I will often have to share a lane.  Ok, no problem.  But, the management of the pool is the worst.  They allow swim instructors to rent out the lanes for instructing kiddies.  In my opinion, the gym is not a place for a child.  Regardless.  Period.  End of story.  Take your goddam fucking little rugrats to Wahoos or the Y if you want them to learn to swim.

There are very few of us regulars who swim there that actually have any fucking clue as to how to swim.  The rest of them are a comedy show.  Seriously.  For my “Strange Denizens of the Pool” contribution, it’s easily the guy who is, of course,  severely out of shape doesn’t know how to swim, swims without a cap, hair in his eyes, and workouts with this batshit crazy look on his face.  He doesn’t have a clue as to what he’s doing in the water.  I’m surprised he manages to get out of the pool each time without drowning.  He’ll start off from the wall, flail the arms with his face down for about 5 yds.  Stop.  Stand up, mouth open, breathe, drool, look down the lane, repeat.  When he’s done this about 3 or 4 times — halfway down the pool or so — he’ll turn around and start back the other way.  It’s as if he thinks he’s made it to the end of the pool.  BUT, then he’ll go 5 yards and turn around again.  Then he’ll go maybe 10 yds.  Turn around yet again.  Go 5 yds and turn around.  It’s absolutely mind boggling and a pathetic sight.  He ends up flailing around in the middle of the pool in a 5-10 yd stretch.  These are the kinds of people I have to deal with.

Today was even worse.  They had 2 lanes rented out.  Keeping score at home, that leaves only 2 lanes for lap swimming.  I see that the one lane has 2 people and the other has 1 person.  She’s a big girl.  Whatever.  I put my stuff down at the end of the lane and get in the pool.  I put my fins on, grab the kickboard, turn around, and I’m about to push off the wall, when I see this woman whale-c0w pop up from halfway down the lane.  She starts waving her arms and shaking her head and complaining that she doesn’t share a lane and gets the lane all to herself.

Of course, an argument ensues, the lifeguard comes over and tries to tell me that this woman does, in fact, get a lane to herself.  Bullshit.  No member gets any lane to themselves, especially on days like today.  Whale-cow moans on and on about it being in some department of health code book that you’re not allowed to share pool lanes, because it’s a safety issue.  She also says that she can’t see while swimming.  Bullshit on both accounts.  First, there is no goddam way there’s any dept. of health code on the utilization of pool lanes.  Piss off.  Second, you can’t see?  You saw me from halfway down the lane when I first got in you fucking idiot.  A woman in the lane next to me really had a bug up her ass, because she sided with me and really started to tear into the lifeguard.  Both swim off and the lifeguard and I continue to have a discussion.  Whale cow makes her way back down, and we engage in another argument in which we exchanged pleasantries.  I called her out on her bullshit, and she got even more pissed off.  I told her to stop trying to blow smoke up my ass, and then she started screaming for Carmen the Clown to come to the pool to state how he decrees for the Whale-cow to have her own lane.

The lifeguard runs off to seek Carmen the Clown to alleviate the drama from her shoulders.  Of course, Carmen the Clown doesn’t show up, and the lifeguard has to tell Whale-cow that Carmen said nobody can have their own lane especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays when 2 lanes are rented out for instruction. Upon hearing this, Whale-cow knew how ridiculous she looked and resorted to making more bullshit statements about licenses and getting the gym shut down and blah blah blah.  What a cunt.  All of this because she probably has single child syndrome and doesn’t know how or want to share a lane.  She just hasn’t got a clue as to pool etiquette and I called her out on it.  Embarassed and looking foolish, she eventually lumbered out of the pool at which point the water level dropped.  She proceeded to overflow the hot tub and continue her bitching, moaning and crying to the lifeguard.  God, it’s so much more satisfying now to look back and see how foolish we must have made her feel.  I’m trying to imagine what an underwater mooo echo sounds like.

Commuted home on the bike.  Hopped on the Computrainer and began warming up.  Went to load my erg file with my 2×20, and I couldn’t find it.  I saw that I couldn’t select .erg as a desired file, and I couldn’t find my file.  I figured something was wrong.  Didn’t do the intervals and instead ground out some time at my endurance pace.

Feeling really nice on the bike these days.  The upper end of my endurance pace in 53×11, and I’m just crushing it.  Feels too easy.  Calibration is like 2.92.  I always have that roller really pressed up against it.

Come upstairs, and I see the error of my ways.  I didn’t need to have .erg as a desired file for it to recognize the file type.  I just overlooked the file.   Will get it tomorrow.

Dinner:  lettuce, 1.5 tomatoes, half can of corn, half can of chickpeas, some jalapenos, one small orange pepper, a can of tuna, and some dressing.  A little applesauce, and my last bottle of Yard’s Brawler Ale.  Tasty.

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~ by jerseyquaker on June 3, 2009.

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